Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
