My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
