Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
