oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
