There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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