Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
