guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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