Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
