I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
