Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
