have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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