how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
