I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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