I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i believe in u and ur pee
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i out mim tonsoeep
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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