ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
