Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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