I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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