god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Enjoy the penises
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
