so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
