I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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