sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
