Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
