I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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