i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
