Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
