Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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