From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
