I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
