Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
