we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
