he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
