dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
