i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
