Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
