it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize
