Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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