Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
