Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
