Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
