I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize