Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
