My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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