my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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