are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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