Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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