Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
