Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
