A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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