I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
