i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
All the doctor said was why
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
