from now on my penis is your penis
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
