only you would photoshop your dick
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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