Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
