what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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