If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
