I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
