Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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