I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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