WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
