Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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