i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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