We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
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In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
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He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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