ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
