I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
