I molested 6 butterflies tonight
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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