cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
