ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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