Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
