He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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