Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
