So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
