I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
