JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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