This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
