Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
