what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
