She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
