i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
