Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
People with herpes should wear stickers.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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