It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
