I want to have your abortion
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
