He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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