ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
