dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
