I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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