stop calling my apartment porn island.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
