Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
