She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
