thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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