1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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