Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
