worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
